yet this love.

I was cleaning the bathroom. Normally, I would settle this gruesome task by singing at the top of my lungs. Not today.

Life is a struggle. And when things go wrong, it's easy to blame someone else. As I was scrubbing the sink, I pondered.

God. I can't live. I can't smile. I can't frown. I don't understand. I don't understand You, or myself. I want to be Yours completely. Why aren't I? I mean, You want me to be Yours completely, so why am I not?

Tempted, I added.

Don't you have the power?

I moved to the mirror. Washing the same mirror was this strange girl with side bangs and a mosquito bitten face (thank you, photo shoots). I glared at her.

I'd been reading through Job. Frankly, despite his devote righteousness in the beginning, I was insulted at Job with all his rash words that unjustly described God. Depending on his mood, Job described God as a tormentor who delighted in tormenting him. Often he despaired 'God wasn't there'.

Good grief! What a dope.

I had skipped ahead of my reading (Elihu is quite the talker) and began reading the chapters were God (instead of his *coughs* "enlightened" three friends) joined the discourse. Yeah, Job's pitiful accusations were completely squished.

That's me.

I stared. That's me! Often, we're tempted to say something like this:

It's going pretty rough. I know You parted the red sea, and that You let the sun rise and set, and that You have completely destroyed your enemies. I know that You can defeat death - but this thing I'm going to? Sorry, I mean, it's just waaaay to much for You to handle. I mean come on, after all, You did send fire down from heaven.

See the stupidity of such a statement? How conceited are we to think God cannot overcome our petty trials!

Speculations arise. How could a loving God cause His children to go through such painful trials, even if they are "small"?

Answer: read the post again. It's for His glory. He has overcome all our trials, even the ones we haven't faced. He allowed Job to undergo huge trials. But He had the power to say, "enough".

Non-Christians do not understand God. They see it from a selfish point of view. Tough love.

Not this love.


  1. You know.....I think about this all the time.

    Why, God? Why can't you just wave a magic wand over my life and make it perfect? Haven't I suffered and failed enough?

    But there's a verse that talks about "work out your salvation with fear and trembling." There's a beautiful thing to see the end of the tunnel, to have a rainbow come after the rain, to emerge through a trial victorious. It's not just a knowledge handed to you: it's not just an untested belief that, "Oh, yes, God's good and He works all things together for good."

    It's proving that. In your own life. Day by day. Struggle by tiny struggle.

  2. i love your lovely blog, you're amazing :)
    love you



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Maira Gall