25.1.12

snuffed out?


I idea of being able to serve Christ now is refreshing. Glorifying God right at home, where I'm (I say in humor) "stuck" for the time being. I don't have to hop on a plane down the Zimbabwe, I can walk down a flight of stairs to feed hungry babies.

I can think of ways to serve Him while I sit and write this blog post, but doing it is another post entirely. I tell myself, 'Washing dishes for His glory'. That's a laugh. While washing dishes, I do it robotically, mientras yelling at the dog to quit licking the dishwasher spills.

It was four in the afternoon. I finally finished math and started finishing a blog design. I trooped down the stairs (my mother was on an errand) to grab something to eat while I attempted to take my overdue science test. The house was in shambles. Baby dolls. Pencils. Toys. Cars. Dumped trashcans. Fur clumps. Not to mention my desk.

Already flustered enough, I grabbed piles of junk and placed them in their proper places. Joshua was asking me something, and Daniel was rattling on (probably) about cars. I felt it. That lump of despair, hurridness and exhaustion. I need to study for this test! It was four thirty. Soon I'd have to gulp dinner and go to the middle school for a community Spanish class. Frightening.

My one moment to serve my family ended abruptly in my snapping to my younger siblings, running up the stairs chastising myself and screaming about science. Well, not literally. You know that inside scream. Sometimes it makes its way out. That's when people need to consider giving you a bucket of ice.

The night before, one of those poor girls who needs buckets of love sat forlornly on her bed. I walked over and asked, "Caroline? What's the matter?" She raspily whispered back:

"Me sleep in your bed."

Sisters. We both made way to my bed and snuggled under the covers. In about ten minutes - she was a goner - to dream land, that is. Me. I sat there, trying to figure out how to share my pillow. I couldn't pull the covers up without covering Caroline's head, so I slept further away from the head rest. My feet drooped off the end of the mattress. We ended up swapping beds for the night, until I finally carried her back to her proper bed so I could go to sleep.

That? That, I ask myself, that is serving Christ? Nuh, uh. No way.



I didn't even pray or watch someone surrender to God's love. It was my little sister, my bed, one night, and a sleepless me. And if I didn't snatch that toddler of innocence and hug away her fears...would she be sitting wimpering on her bed - maybe just like a little baby in Africa would?

Avergonzado. That's spanish for embarrassed. Serving Christ.

If I recieved a vocal command for a specific something from my Lord -- you bet. I'd be there in an instant.

But serving Christ leaves that dark worry. When you see that girl you don't know who needs comfort, you immediatly tell yourself, Nah, they don't need it...they're probably upset over something trivial. They just want to be left alone. Mind your business Bethany.

Comfort her in the name of Christ? Ha, I mean - no way. That's way out of my comfort zone. Yo estoy avergonzado to do that (yes, my spanish needs refining).

That 99.9999999999% they'll punch me in the nose?

How about when someone you sorta know asks if you're a Christian?

Ummm...hee, hee, well, yeah. I'm a Christian.

Dorky grin. How come my hands are sweaty?

They look. That look of, continue, please.

I ignore the perfect time to expand on that, but instead all I can think of - whoa, maybe I offended them. What if they're athiest? I cannot wait until this awkward moment is gone.

To serve Christ, right here and now, what's it going to take?

7 comments

  1. Excllent post. I loved it. It made me really think about how I'm serving Christ. Thank you for posting it!!!!

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  2. Ditto Auburn.

    This was just so...thought provoking. Many times we think we should be doing something "big" (like being a missionary in Africa) but really our "mission place" can be at home et cetra.

    Great post!

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  3. BTW what was your candle sitting on in the first pic.

    (a little weird, yeah)

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  4. Blooming where God has planted us...taking the talents (talents as in the biblical money) that the Master has given and focusing on what we can do with what we already have...instead of pining away for what we *could* have or what we *wish* we had. We have to be all that we can with where we are and what we have. :)

    Great post...

    Alexxus

    (P.S. - Would you possibly think of changing the color of either your background or your letters? The light colors contrasted against the bright white background makes for some very squinty eyes trying to read the tags and blog title, ect. ;).)

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  5. Good thought provoking post!

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  6. @ Alexxus - ah, laptop screens...thanks for pointing that out! I will take that in consideration. ;)

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  7. I think the cultural belief that if you want to serve God, you have to go on a mission trip becomes way problematic to us.

    Us - the girls who step on Legos (ow), trip over the baby (woops), don't get the science test done (man!) and have to do the dishes (groan).

    It's serving the Lord just as much as is dishing up rice to stick-thin orphans in Haiti. It really is! That is vital work.

    BUT SO IS THIS.

    Love your post as always. :)

    Allison

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© Everyday Memoirs
Maira Gall