20.4.12

the girl who wanted to change


There is a girl who wants to change. Her life isn't perfect, her talents aren't polished, her family is sometimes a wreck, and she is has problems. She has dreams too. She knows she trapped and she knows she cornered, but what she doesn't know, is how to get out of it.

I was this girl. My life was purposeless, my identity was fake, my family bickered as much as anyone's, and my goals were non-existent. I've told you my life story of how I was adopted into the family of God, but what I haven't told you, is how I live in the family of God.

Despite the resolve to surrender everything to him, my enthusiasm drops there. I surrendered what I could, and hoped for the best. But it wasn't the best. I knew what was holding me back.

My fear to serve.

I've gotten over my woes of not being "beautiful". I don't care if people think I'm awkward. I don't mind anymore that I'm not so amazing as I thought I was. But I did mind that God had called me, and I had refused his call in a particular area.

To get it out of my system, I talked about it. And then shoved it to the back of my mind and put it on the shelf of "things I want to forget".

That is, until I discovered it thrown right back in my path. The one thing I couldn't do was thrown back at me, and my reaction was, "Oh. No."

Not this God! I can't do this! I tried already, and I'm too chicken!


"Coincidentally" I skyped a friend who was more than encouraging, and I reluctantly looked into the situation and discovered that everything was practically screaming for me to stop resisting and just obey - because it's going to be okay. God didn't lose His mind - I had.

And now that I found it again, people are going to assume I really lost it this time. But I can't ignore that calling, and I can't ignore that need.

2 comments

  1. Amen!

    We really do need to just "let go" and let God have His way...

    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is so true. Thank you for sharing, Bethany Grace. Sometimes God is just waiting for us to let go, to do amazing things.

    Oh, I am really enjoying your blog, by the way. I am a new follower! :) Come over and visit me sometime @ www.maid4him.blogspot.com and follow if you like:)

    xo,
    Mikailah @ Maid For Him

    ReplyDelete

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