17.4.12

new page / resolution

I watched as my biggest dreams shattered around my feet. Years spent building those dreams were sucked down the drain. I was an emotional tea pot, boiling with something wonderful inside, yet it was scalding hot. My fists slowly relaxed as I let go of everything that I once thought was so important to me:

The girl I wanted to be.

I spent hours in the night dreaming of the day I'd finally have the courage to change and be something better than the awkward girl I was. I dreamed of the moment when everything I did was completely purposeful and useful, and not spent in hours of insomnia and boredom.

The day came. But not as I dreamed it would. Instead, the image I sketched of the perfect girl I wanted to be was carefully tossed in the trash can. I was scared to death that I'd just killed myself by throwing away this image of perfection. I trembled as I got down low and decided that I was going to serve God, just the way I was.

My dreams of perfect humility, always-ready (and good) advice, actions of gentleness - I calmly tossed in the the garbage. Because I came to the realization, that Christ is enough, and that He is using me with my weaknesses - whether I like them or not.

Perhaps someday I will (somewhat) conquer my pride, or lessen it from what it is now. Maybe I'll be a little more experienced with giving an encouraging speech to a young lady pouring out her hearts troubles - but I'm determined to stop "perfecting myself" and to start just working with what I have, and serving God. I've decided that waiting to become "perfect" will never happen, no matter how hard I wished it could be so.

11 comments

  1. oh, your new design is sooo beautiful! I love it! :D
    *hugs*

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  2. Most of the time our expectations are incredibly high...but, the only way we can reach TRUE perfection is truth Christ...

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  3. OMGoodness I love your new blog design. Its simply beautiful,fresh neat and refreshing. :)

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  4. very thought provoking post! I have been working on this issue as well!

    ~Hannah

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  5. This is a beautiful post. When we throw away all our visions of what a "perfect" us could be, Christ replaces them with what He has called us to be. [:

    Gorgeous new blog design, by the way! LOVE IT. ♥

    xoxo,
    Alexxus

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  6. I would comment, but I would just be quoting and agreeing with Alexxus. Way to say the truth, girl. :D

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  7. Great post, Bethany.

    BTW, I really, really like the new blog design. How did you learn to do stuff like that??? Want to re-design mine? JK :)

    *hugs*

    Bethany

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  8. @ Bethany - thanks! I don't really know how I know what I know (it was completely accidental...) but...I know it. Somewhat. I'll gladly re-design yours, but I'm quiet capable of putting up a "tick" theme. ;)

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  9. (I still need to send you that jar...) And the letter!!

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  10. @Bethany Grace -- Hmm...I'd take you up on the offer of re-designing my blog, except for the fact you might do something with ticks, which I wouldn't really want =)

    I'll be very excited when I receive you letter. No rush though, as I understand you are busy.

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  11. Wow, this is SO good, Bethany! And I simply <3 your new design.

    xoxo,
    Grace
    >>----> tending her garden @ gracesgardenwalk.blogspot.com

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© Everyday Memoirs
Maira Gall