23.5.12

hating yourself

I was told to be humble. My default normally isn't arrogance or conceit. Lately, my problem is not having a bloated image of myself, but having no image at all.

It's so easy to rake myself down to the lowest notch, and butcher myself at every mistake I make. I thought it was a good strategy: give myself the tough love and beat myself up whenever I did something stupid.


The problem was, I do too many stupid things, and I begin to hate myself. Literally. I was convinced I could live better if I wasn't in the picture.

I realized that this wasn't going to work out.


If I was divided against myself - it wasn't going to work. If I absolutely hated myself, I might as well scratch trying to "make myself better". And often, I began wishing that I were someone else entirely.

So, I began to treat myself as if I was a different person. I pulled out all my words of encouragement for the insecure and practiced it on myself. And still being truthful, of course.


It may sound a little weird, but strangely, it worked. I didn't deny that I do have problems, but I took that knowledge in a different direction - pointing straight to God. It was a new humility, it seemed, realizing that I did fail but willing to stand up and try again.

I know a lot of girls who struggle with themselves. Insecurity, such as self-consciousness, all boils down to hating yourself. Or you could go to the extreme of vanity, which is the product of loving yourself (I've never had that problem, however).


You're a person. Just because you're yourself doesn't mean you have the authority to bully yourself. So, give yourself a break, and take a deep breath and sort it out. You can leave out the hour long lecture.

9 comments

  1. I feel so bad for girls who hate them selves, I know that I have from time to time, been harsh on myself. its a terrible way to live, but one must realize God redeemed you from every sin or mistake when jesus shed His blood for us, all we have to do is receive that and move on with our lives. And knowing how much God loves me has made all the difference.
    Blessings ~ Rachel Hope

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  2. @ Rachel - I only wish I had come to the conclusion sooner...But I couldn't agree more!

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  3. great post. this was such and encouragement to me.

    -Carli

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  4. Dear Bethany,

    I once heard something that really helped me out: instead of looking to ourselves (i.e. the stupid things we do which discourage us or the grand things we do which boosts our pride), we should ALWAYS be looking to God! It doesn't matter how ignorant or naive we are. It doesn't matter how wonderful we are or if we say the right things at the right times. What matters is where our heart is: Are we trying to be "good" on our own? Or are we living our life to be pleasing to God?

    What if - instead of spending hours talking to ourselves (whether it is in a pep-talk or a growling talk :)) - we spent hours listening to God and reading His Word?

    We all go through tough times, but like Rachel said, the wonderful thing is that God loves us anyway. There is nothing we can do that will "help" Him love us more!

    What you said is true: we must point everything back to God! We must continually be looking to Him!

    ~Amanda

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  5. great post, Flop. And the new design is loooovely! :D
    Love ya!♥

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  6. It's gotta be so difficult for girls who "hate themselves". Rachel's comment was perfect.

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  7. @ Amanda - that was simply refreshing! That is so true, I never quite thought of it that way.

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Maira Gall