26.10.12

please don't drown

via
Way to ruin the brand new day. Lying on my messy desk (which was depressing enough) was my school schedule. And scribbled in the margins was school from last week that I didn't have time to finish.

That would rightly be named a "face-palm" moment. At any rate, I had about twelve hours to finish school and somehow clean the basement, create/print song sheets, practice piano songs, finish a church bulletin and co-lead a bible study.

Because I'm daring, I grabbed my school books and courageously brought them to the comfy red chair in the living room. And then I had this brilliant thought. There was pumpkin cinnamon (!!) toast in the kitchen and would totally make my day. I carefully prepared the delicious smelling breakfast and headed back to my study niche. Today was going to be okay. It would be glorious.

And. then. the. dog. ate. my. breakfast. My treasured pumpkin cinnamon toast - on the floor - half in the dog's mouth - half in the soggy used-to-be paper towel.

You can mortally wound me - but eat my breakfast? Never. My day crumpled apart. And even after my little sister sweetly gave me her slice of toast - it ended up not tasting as good as I expected.

After somehow finishing my school or moving it to the next day - I sat on the computer for the rest of the afternoon, finishing up the details for the bible study and church bulletin. And my school research paper. My legs should've been dislocated from all the running up and down stairs to grab my constantly ringing phone. If it wasn't about the church bulletin, it was about the bible study, and if it wasn't about the bible study, it was about something else of importance.

God - I really do enjoy leading this bible study and that you wanted me to lead it ---- but does it have to be this stressful!?!

Does Microsoft Word have to be so ornery while I'm trying to beat time and schoolwork?

And somehow it was 7:00 and I had managed to dress in something other than everyday "fashion" (not excluding a mop of frizzy slept-in bun hair).  I also managed to smile (after I ran up the stairs screaming when the phone rang for the tenth time.) The girls were happy and asked how I was -- which I managed to blurt a very false "I'm good" -- and one of the girls stepped up to lead games and my little sister helped with songs.

My stress and craziness slowly melted as I was around all my sisters-in-Christ, and as we all sat in a circle sharing out testimonies and struggles (it was "testimony Tuesday".) Today wasn't such a bad day after all - I smiled -- genuinely!! The kleenex box was used, we had many laughs and nods of agreement and altogether - it was simply wonderful.

Until I realized that we ran about thirty minutes overtime and parents were frustrated about that. All joy completely melted as I apologized for not having a clock downstairs. I felt so irresponsible. I literally felt my joy clatter to the bottom of my stomach.

I cried that night. I didn't even know why. I was just too tired to care anymore - but I did care. I cared that I was a complete grouchy breakfast-depressed hypocrite/smiling bible study leader. I cared that I upset fathers who were waiting for their daughters and awkwardly trying to keep a conversation while the incompetant bible study leader was without a clock. I cared that people sometimes believe I'm superwoman and I feel like a damsel in distress drowning in mud. I cared that I was such a bad procrastinator.

After crying, pouding all my feelings into my journal, praying and ridding myself of that annoying I'm-going-to-cry lump in my throat, I managed to go to bed.

The result? I'm still alive, still tired, still on the edge of Bethany-blow-out-of-steam-panic-mode. But I'm over it. Writing it all out right here makes the regret of that day go away. It was the best of days, and it was the worst of days.

But I managed. I managed because I had a life-jacket on. And even though I got a lot of water in my mouth from the choppy waters, I didn't drown. I survived. Maybe with a few headaches and a bothersome stomachache - but I'm well.

I ask God why things are so hard. Why my attitude is so horrible sometimes. Why the best days have to end as the worst.

Every week, my little siblings clomp into the dining room and recite James up to the last memorization point. From when I used to recite the same book, I can still remember the words we lisped together. Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials. Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

Even if the trials are as small as the dog eating your breakfast.

11 comments

  1. Amen...when James wrote "count it all joy" We are to be joyful in all things, aka when the dog eats your *awesome* breakfast...

    I know how bad days go, too, obviously, and this is a good reminder for me.

    I'm praying for you!

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  2. WOW! you had a crazy day! so sad about your.... well everything! praying that the rest of your week goes better!

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  3. Bailey, this post is just so encouraging. Thanks for putting yourself out there and sharing your heart :)

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  4. Thanks. This is exactly what I needed to read.

    The Lord bless you with hope in His promises!

    ♥,
    Frannie

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  5. I'm so thankful that I have a God I can pour my heart out to! When the day has been absolutly horrible I can turn it over to Him. He has the answers to all of our "whys". Don't carry the burden when there is Someone waiting to carry it for you.

    I really needed to read this. It mad me realize that I'm not the only one who had a bad day.

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  6. Keep writing, Bethany...you are such an encouragement! -Hannah-

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  7. You have some hard days. But hey, if everything were perfect, God wouldn't be able to get glorified as much, right?

    You sound a lot like me. I was reading this and almost laughing at how much we're alike.

    Keep your chin up, Flop. Just like the verse says, the testing of your faith produces endurance.

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  8. Sweet Bethany, you should know that I wasn't bothered in the least about the Bible study going into overtime. I must have been late to pick up... At any rate, Tuesdays at Living Hope mean so much to Savanna and I know how truly blessed she is by it. Thank you for serving Christ. It can be challenging, but the rewards are great!

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  9. I needed to hear this today. <3

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  10. @ everyone - Way to make me cry all over my school books on the computer desk. ;) Thanks for all the encouragement!

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  11. I've had a few awful days like that, too. But, hey, they passed, and people still seem to love me. ;)
    <><

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© Everyday Memoirs
Maira Gall