guiltily fitting God in

If I’ve heard it once, it’s been at least a million times since: how do I fit God in?

I ask myself this very question. During my busy week of my newfound hate of college class studying, I rationalized my lack of God-time. God, who gives time, rarely fits in our tight schedules, let alone mine.

Strike one, guilty.

Of course, I truly do try. Maybe, like me, you grab an hour at the most of bible study and prayer minus the obvious fact that there’s 24 hours a day. Waking up earlier never killed anybody, staying up late never did either, and I’m positive we can sacrifice our precious hours of sleep for precious time with our God. Yes, but I’m busy, and life is short…God can’t expect me to spend every single piece of my day in meditation and in prayer. Question is what am I busy with? The things of me or the things of God? Because if it’s the things of me, I’m not a follower, I’m a leader – not concerned about the things of God but with the things of self.

Strike two, guilty.

Yes Lord – I will serve you. You’ve said it probably, and I’ve said it for sure. However, what we really mean is: yes Lord, I’ll serve you…. When it’s convenient for me. It’s NOT convenient for me to forgive my sister when she makes a snarky remark after I devastatingly just broke my laptop. It’s not convenient for me to listen to someone tell me their life woes again (for, like, the fifth time!). It’s not convenient for me to comfort a sobbing old woman pining away from homesickness when my sympathy level is at zero. Lord, when it is convenient – when I’m brave enough, and when it’s safe enough, then I’ll share the gospel. Then I’ll spread the love of Jesus, but don’t count on it when I don’t feel like it.

Strike three, guilty.

We have pinterest boards of inspirational bible verses. My bible is marked chapter after chapter with circled words and notes scribbled (literally SCRIBBLED) in the margins. We memorize “whatever you do, do all for the Lord Jesus” and we quote the verse about carrying our crosses and dying to self. The thought, however, isn’t what counts. It’s the doing. I can think all I want and surrender all I want to Jesus in my mind – yet do nothing. I hear, but I don’t obey. I obey, when I want to and when I have the time. That guiltiness of not following God fully, not surrendering every moment, not being some crazy radical who won’t shut up for talking and doing the things of God – we shove that guilt in the back of our mind. We glance around at others, and see that they’re in the same boat. We know they’re spiritual, so we figure that if we’re just as good as those other Christians we’ll be okay.

Forgetting somebody? We focus on mirroring to good guys when we’re supposed to be mirroring our Savior. By the way, His entire life purpose was for the glory of God. He showed the entire world how deep the Father’s love really is – constantly – not one hour a day.

He didn’t have a fancy house to prove it. He didn’t have twelve hours of sleep to prove it, a closet full of clothes, money for taxes, or a working mode of transportation. He didn’t need those things – because that wasn’t His purpose, not even on the sidelines. His focus was His life – the gospel.

Is it possible to live every moment for Jesus Christ? We rush in quickly with, oh no! Remember we’re sinner, using it as a scapegoat – continuing to live half-heartedly. At least I do. I convince myself that it’s not possible to live every moment for the glory of God – so why even try?

But I’m tired of living guilty. Somehow, this whole Christian lingo of words doesn’t cut it. Honestly – honestly – when I look at my life, despite knowing the lingo, the verses, the appropriate actions…Christianity is more of my culture. It just is. It’s something I grew up. It involves no sacrifice, because I’m used to it. It involves no heartache because I live in comfort. The most drama normally consists of the fight of whether or not to read my bible in the morning.

Reading your bible is not bad. Praying for an hour is not bad. I realize people do have lives. What’s wrong is living life for the things that don’t matter, even for five precious God-given minutes. God doesn’t ‘fit in’ lives. He either is or isn’t. I don’t understand how I can rationalize my following Christ by spending a good chunk of my day concerned with things that aren’t going to matter in eternity.

So I’ve asked myself – do I live my life for Christ? Could I honestly walk up to the throne of God and tell Him that I do everything for the glory of God? Could I honestly tell Him I relied on His strength and despite the failures devoted my entire being to the service of God and to personally take up the call of being His disciple, not only in heart but in action? My answer was simply: no. I can’t tell that to God. No, I can’t tell that to other people.

Jesus says to die to self. He died to Himself. Everything Jesus lived for on this earth was a death to self and total surrender to God. I realize, I can’t be perfect like my Savior – I’m still just a human. But I have a perfect Savior right alongside me. Yet I no longer feel comfortable beating around the bush and saying I love Him and serve Him and believe Him – when reality I don’t completely.

I’m not saying salvation is doing. Only God does the salvation. After comes the following – the faith, the obedience, which involves everything. To ignore that…doesn’t really work…unless you want to live in guilt.

1 comment

  1. Hi Bethany! Im sorry I didnt comment on this post before, but it was so SO thought provoking! I read it over and over to challenge myself!

    and btw, we got the blog up and running, and I shared this link in todays post! :) >http://whatsoever-is-lovely.blogspot.com/2013/07/lovely-links.html<

    and also, do you think {when life slows down a litte} you might be able to do a guest post for us?

    <3 Hannah

    P.S. Hope youre having fun at camp! I adore working with kids! <3


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Maira Gall