30.8.14

in which I ramble about being confident with irrational fears


"You have brains in your head
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.  And you know what you know.
And you are the guy who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss

Don't underestimate what you are capable of.

Let me tell you. I'm 99.99% introverted (except when I'm not), I'm overly paranoid about things going wrong, I have irrational misconceptions for just about everything, I'm shy, I'm sometimes really soft-spoken/mumbly, I hate large crowds, I dislike new things. . .
 . . .yet I'm a little bit surprised.

The other day, I drove home hysterically laughing because I couldn't believe I just carried on the stupidest small-talk conversation with the lady at the United grocery store and I still managed to go food shopping all. by. myself.
(never in a million years could I see myself overcoming my fear of shopping, small talk, and cashiers all in the same day!)
 I'm slightly kidding. A little.

But. It's a little strange, how all my dreams I shelved on the "Things-I'm-Never-Gonna-be-Brave-Enough-to-Do" List, suddenly fell in place.
(or maybe I'm just psychic?)

From what I know of myself, Bethany does not fly around the country, go shopping alone, go to banks, follow a map, order at fast food restaurants, improvise during a music recital, discipline toddlers, ask for help from strangers or talk to mommy about boys.
 (I kid you not, if you died of laughter - I regret to inform you, these really are irrational fears of mine! Especially the last one)

Maybe it's just a part of growing up and growing out of all those weird misconceptions I have (believe me, I still have boatloads more!)
But I've found. . .most of this stuff isn't really that scary. Some of it I even enjoy.
I actually like the adventure of getting lost in airports
Or asking the bank teller how to solve my newest bank conundrum
Ordering from Starbucks makes me feel like I'm in New York (is that just me?)
The quick calculations of piano chording are challenging and fun
I like the satisfaction of teaching a toddler that live wires are dangerous (I MEAN IT!)
I have great memories laughing with the old ladies who got me even more lost
There's welcome relief and chumminess during my mommy-conversations-at-midnight.

So.
Maybe you have rational fears or irrational fears.
But they're not crippling.
Down right crazy scary, maybe - but not impossible.
I think the unknown is always scary. We underestimate ourselves when it comes to something we've never done.
But the only way to find out, is to do it.
Even if you're having heart palpitations months before it happens.

(P.s. I've survived 1 week in Texas without burning down the house, getting mugged in the alley, running into the garage door or flooding the washing machine!!)

2 comments

  1. Haha! And last night I ran out outside (in the dark, by myself!) just so I could put a rice krispie treat in the truck for my brother. AND, I survived! Lol!!

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  2. Congratulations on your survival! Cashiers -are- super intimidating! I had a horribly awkward experience yesterday waiting in line with an armful of yarn while a disgruntled employee was trying to read bar code numbers. I definitely did not try to make small talk.

    You aren't alone in your irrational fears, things like drive-thrus and returning items at Wal-Mart make my heart pound!

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Maira Gall