9.12.14

Love Ain't Awkward | Part 2


/ BEST PHOTOBOMB EVER BY MY THE CHAPERONING TWIN /

Confession: I err on the side and safety of extreme self-consciousness.


So, I've been dating this guy for seven months. Although I had made a "subtle" declaration of how I decided Love Isn't Awkward during my correspodence-to-the-boy-phase, things began to change.

Suddenly:
EVERYTHING IS
AWKWARD!
> Bethany. Holding hands in public is taboo. Remember that time I did it? People threw up in their mind.
> Hugs? Not even side-hug. Just smile. Wait. I'm looking at my boyfriend. Bethany chill! Someone's going to notice!
> Stop talking to him. Be inclusive. She's looking at you funny. Great, now she assumes I'm ignoring her.
> Aww! That was really sweet - WAIT. I CAN'T BELIEVE you said that in front of all. these. people. Stop talking. Just stop. Oh my stars. Okay, yeah. That bystander is definitely judging me.

(you get the picture.)

Another confession: I take teasing very literally.
That's why I avoided bringing up the boy.
That's why I cried on the couch after I told my twin (because admitting I was totally head-over-heels with someone is not okay in my world)
That's why I would laugh awkwardly and try to bring up anything (ANYTHING!) to talk about in a pathetic attempt to cover up my obvious. . .starry eyes for the person sitting next to me.

Without a doubt, every single mother now assumed I would corrupt their daughters because I was dating someone at the age of seventeen (what proper young lady does that?!?)  All the grandmothers were probably praying for me. My friends were on the verge of excommunicating me for the awkward sin of saying my boy's name. Everyone was most likely shaking their head and judging me as one of those PDA-date-around-flirtatious girls.

Just get it over with and tell me to my face that I'm awkwardly misguided girl!

And then something revolutionary happened.
"Bethany. Who cares what they think?"

Huh. The idea!?

I realized:
I'm not a dummy. I don't date for the "fun" of it. I have my parents blessing. I'm abiding by my conscience and by my parents/God's standards. Plus, there just comes a point when guy-meets-girl and it's life.

So, I stopped caring. When he put his arm around the back of my chair I didn't freak out. When he called me "sweetie", I didn't wash his mouth out with soap and pray no one heard such a ridiculous pet name. When I just wanted to talk to him, I didn't worry about what other people were possibly overhearing.

Ironically, the next week, I discovered that not only do people notice - they also remember. quite. well. Surrounded by some of my favoritest half-adopted-grandmothers, they just gushed & gossiped in the nicest way possible: "I saw him do this and that" "Oh, he's handsome!" "Girl, you make a wonderful pair" "What does your dad think?" "And does he say that?" "So, how is the love of your life?" (okay, okay, that last question took me off guard.)

These married-gone-through-dating ladies didn't find it awkward at all.
And even though I know they (and all the people who think love is weird) notice. . .
I really don't care anymore.
Usually.

8 comments

  1. Okay, this made me laugh like the whole time I was reading it!! The pictures... Everything!! :D Your right, love isn't awkward!!

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  2. DISCLAIMER ~ I'm not a creepy stalker-person. I found out about your blog through a link on Raquel Duarte's blog God's Daughter. Here's the link to prove my legitimacy: http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/

    Ok, so I don't officially follow your blog, probably because I'm too lazy to actually click the follow button. But I've been reading your posts for a little over a year now and I think this post is the most adorable thing EVER!! You and your boy are so great together :)

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  3. You're hysterical. Try dating at college, when if your awkward sheltered friends aren't throwing up in their minds, the bitter single girls glare at you. It's great. ;) Fortunately (or...unfortunately sometimes?), we have totally not-self-conscious boyfriends who force us out of our comfort zones. :)

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    Replies
    1. Maybe it's a guy thing? Or maybe it's just a genetic thing that makes us both self-conscious. :)

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  4. Bethany girl, don't feel weird about it all. You are so stupid lucky to have God send you someone at that age. Believe me, people look at you weird because that is what everyone wants: what you have. My best friend and my brother have been in love since the ages of six and eight. Two/three years ago they went to each other's parents. They've been together ever since. At first, I was angry, beyond confused, and a little hurt. My two best friends in the world were in love and the kept their feelings a secret from me. They told everyone else, except me. They thought I would feel awkward or upset. But because they kept it from me, I was upset. But only for a little while. It used to bother me. My brother being and my best friend being obsessed with each other. I felt out of place, unwelcome, and out of the loop, since I didn't have a "significant other" and I had never even held hands with someone before. But when I saw my best friend, sitting in my living room with those starry eyes, talking to my parents with my brother, I realized: She couldn't be happier. This is what every girl wants, and she has it. They don't care about the teasing or the speculations anymore. All they see is each other. And it is beautiful. I don't feel upset or weird after three years of 'I am not sure how to react to all of this,' I do. My friends have found love in each other. And I couldn't be happier for them.

    What I am trying to get at, is that even though two people I always hung out with started 'dating' I was the one giving them the weird looks. Your friends just don't know how to take the idea that you are doing something different than they are. They secretly want what you have. Remember that when you feel slightly awkward if you're boy wants to hold your hand or kiss your forehead. Relish in it. Every married couple I have ever known had only one regret: that they had known each other longer, so that they could have been together longer. Time is limited, don't let other opinions and words determine how you spend yours.

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    Replies
    1. @ Han - Thank you for your encouragement! =)

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  5. I so totally understand! I thought the whole world was looking at me when my-boyfriend-now-husband began dating ... and I was twenty-four! It took a lot of time (and sometimes hurt feelings) before I began to realize that this was change, change is hard, and even if it is awkward it is good.

    And here I am now: happy, content, and enjoying other newbie's adventures.

    Although, sometimes I still get awkward when the darling man gives me a kiss in public. Still working on that one! ;)

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Maira Gall