31.5.15

womanhood


The little girl in me wakes up in this nightmare of growing up. 

Everything I banked on "someday in the future" is happening. now.
Last year, if you told me I would be engaged I would've never believed you.
But then, I never knew I was capable of loving someone by choice to the point where my heart is officially settled on his side and I'm willing to drop everything in order plunge into the waters of (eep!) marriage!

Part of me wants to hold onto everything I hold dear and familiar. I want to continue the normalcy of my life. Graduating + Marriage just unsettles my entire routine year and homey home.
Little girls can't become wives. Little girls handle conflict like they handle sharks - screaming. The little girl in me can't let go of who I am.

So I decided to let go of the little girl and embrace womanhood (a word I've never used to describe myself - yet.)
(True, most women don't ruin Papa Murphey's pizza or cry in Wal Mart parking lots. But I never said I could let go of the dork inside of me.*winks*)

I keep reminding myself I'm not a little girl and I can do scary things because I'm strong enough and old enough.
So, when strangers snickergawk at my ring, I smile and move on.
If I'm a woman, getting married is perfectly normal and okay and I don't need to freak out about it anymore.

Annnnnnd...I am absolutely on my toes ready to walk down the aisle, smooch my husband and start life completely over.  Just sayin'. 

P.s. Snickergawk - it's not a word. 

18 comments

  1. Oh I'm so excited! LOL I can't believe you're graduated! Congratulations! :) Out of curiosity.. are you saving your first kiss???? :D

    Love!
    Ruth

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    1. @ Ruth - Haha, I can't believe I'm graduated either! :) As for kisses, no we're not. We originally intended to without much thought to it. After a while, we both decided kissing isn't scandalous, and I personally didn't want my first kiss to be in front of everyone. BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, first kisses are super awkward. ;)

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    2. FINALLY someone who SHARES MY OPINION. It isn't scandalous, and your first kiss is special, and between you and your special someone. It's not meant to be advertised in front of 500 people.

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    3. So, don't do it in front of 500 people. :) There's no law that says when the pastor pronounces you man and wife, he also has to say "You may now kiss the bride". You can wait until a little later when you're not in front of anyone. I personally want to save my first kiss for marriage because I want to make sure I only kiss my husband. :)
      By the way, congratulations, Bethany! I am so happy for you. :)

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  2. FLIP WHAAT YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?!! Excuse my excitement, but that's just so darn amazing! Congratulations! -Acacia xx

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  3. I'm so with you on this. We're growing up, and thank the Lord that's He's there with a heaven full of grace to pour down on us. Because it's crazy and scary and OH MY GOSH GIRL YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!!! But how exciting and wonderful this life is going to be for you and your feller!!! *smiles* You two are adorable, by the way, and I'm really very happy for you two. ;) xx

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    1. @ Miss Grace - fellow kindred spirit: I HATE GROWING UP. :) But then again, I love it too. Depends on my bravery at the moment.

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  4. Aww, Bethany, you're adorable! You make me smile and I don't officially even "know" you. :)

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    1. @ Rebekah - aw. I'm glad my sappiness isn't too much for people. :)

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    2. Definitely not too sappy, no way! Though I'm pretty sure I have an extremely high tolerance for sappiness, if I even have a limit. :)

      I have also struggled a lot with not wanting to grow up. Just a few weeks ago I was in the "depths of despair" about it. :)

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  5. I remember the first time I referred to myself as a "woman." Downright TERRIFYING.

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  6. I will never be a woman, i will always be ffffrrreeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! Just kidding. :)

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  7. First of all, you are so beautiful Bethany! Your hair = perfection :) Second, I so agree with your words! I'm about to turn 21 and I'm at that stage where I feel in between young woman but not quite at womanhood :P

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  8. Real men wear pink. And bright pink at that. =)

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    1. @ Jenny - I know! His pink shirt. It is a little bright, but I rather like it. At least I won't have to worry about ever losing him someplace. =)

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Maira Gall