5 Infallible Ways to Ruin Coffee


True story; get me in a coffee shop and I'm all thumbs. I have no background in coffee, besides the knowledge that it tastes good (haha, hire me!)

While learning how to make coffee is (supposedly) my top priority, I'm definitely more of a pro at ruining coffee. It seriously takes no effort on my part. In case you needed a few pointers:

{1} Cold or Hot. Obviously, if you give someone a cold coffee when they asked for hot...they can tell the difference. And it's a big difference.

{2} Forgetting to grind the beans. Because water + whole coffee beans = water and whole coffee beans.

{3} Forgetting the espresso. I love making espresso. It's the coolest thing ever. It's the first thing you're supposed to put in any drink, lest you forget.  People pay extra for espresso and they need their espresso. People die over their espresso. People are particular of their espresso (decaf, extra shot, half-caf, etc.) But since I'm talented, I usually forget it last second. I have at least two people constantly asking, "did you put in the espresso?!?" Also, hot milk + fruit flavor before espresso = curdled milk. ew.

{4} Removing the frothed milk before turning off the machine. I'm talking about milk everywhere. It's like blending without a blender lid. But this time it's 155 degrees of milk.

{5} Whipped cream to go. Like. Don't pile the whipped cream in a to-go cup. Because the lid totally doesn't stay on and the whipped cream spills all over everything.

Bonus Round: Forgetting to stir drinks with chocolate syrup. Best way to make a mocha look like milk and taste like milk. Until you hit the bottom. Ew.


  1. Lol! Yeah, I don't exactly ruin coffee (I don't drink it or make it) but I ruin other stuff... :/ But you know, you'll get the hang of it and you won't be ruining coffee anymore. :)

  2. So I guess that means you don't make the swirly hearts with the foam yet? VBG

  3. Bahaha yesss. I started working at a Dunkin Donuts earlier this year, and I know basically nothing about coffees. It's been an experience. Thankfully people don't come in expecting the drinks to look super fancy or anything...I just need to remember to put the correct amounts of everything in them. Also, espresso machines are obnoxiously loud.

  4. Hahaha yep. I've always loved the idea of working in a coffee shop (I work at a food bar in a fitness center. Nobody wants to chop chicken at 5:45 in the morning), but it definitely takes a lot of finesse. Which, as a clumsy person in general, I do not have. ;)

    Great post. I might be inspired to do the cafe version on my blog soon...

    1. @ Carmel - do it. ;) We do some light food prep at our coffee shop...which switching from drinks to food makes me head hurt. Plus, I have a tendency to make a huge mess whenever I make anything, especially food. :)

  5. LoL Can totally relate ! Going on my 3rd year of being a Barista I'm glad to say making the perfect espresso drink will come simplistic ( in a matter of time that is ;) and just a little "heads up" don't ever draw a shot without tightening it all the way ... That will equal Scalding water and espresso grounds shooting out everywhere ..Good Times !

    1. @ Hosanna - How did I NOT remember you work at a coffee shop? I'll keep your espresso tip in mind. I've already burned my hands multiple times on that machine (ouch!) and I have no desire to experience a waterfall of scalding espresso. :)


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Maira Gall